Holiday Hug Etiquette - Teaching Our Children About Bodily Autonomy

I've got so much appreciation for this graphic that a friend shared on social media. 

Teaching bodily autonomy to children is important year round, but right now as we prepare for holiday season and spending time with loved ones, it's a great time for a reminder. Children must be taught that they have authority over their bodies. 

Many of us grew up with family members whom we were forced to hug or kiss at family functions. I'm sure this was well-intentioned. Moms and Dads don't want to hurt the feelings of well-meaning grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles. Being a people-pleaser myself, I can certainly understand that sentiment. However, it's important that children learn that it's okay stand up for themselves when they are feeling uncomfortable. Please remember to put your children first, and to speak calmly and assertively for them if needed.

Forcing a child to hug a loved one might be harmless in the moment. However, it conditions children to ignore their needs and please others. These children are at higher risk of being victims of of sexual abuse as they get older. I know this might sound alarmist. But, so do the statistics. 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 have been victims of sexual abuse. These numbers are staggering. Fortunately, there are ways we can prevent this. Most child predators are known to the child, and take time to "groom" their victim. They don't molest a child on day one. The abuse usually starts small before it escalates. Children who know to stand up for themselves are less likely to be attractive victims to perpetrators. 

A second concern that I have, especially has a mom to a daughter, is that my daughter feel comfortable with her bodily autonomy when she begins dating. When I was teenager, I had friends who felt pressured to engage in activities with their boyfriends, even though they weren't really comfortable with it. They ended up regretting it later on. I don't want this for my child. I don't want my daughter growing up to think that she needs to put her physical comfort second to someone else, in order to be liked.